Sunday, January 11, 2009

On Attractiveness

For the many people that don't know me (aka no one), everyone knows that I have a horrendous, bone-crushing problem: there are very many days in my life where I just KNOW that I am not attractive. Perhaps, even ugly, if you will. In fact, I have said multiple times that I am ugly. I don't really know how this came about; I think deep down I know that I am not hideous looking, but there is something mentally that I cannot get over. I continue to think that I am not attractive. I don't know why (let's see how many times I type that during this entry).

The idea that I'm ugly is even more compounded when I am out drinking, especially when I am with certain people. It's not like guys don't hit on me, quite the contrary, it's just that in certain situations, I just don't feel attractive. I don't know why. Ugh, none of this is coming out correctly, so I'll just stop here.


In any case, my brother is studying for his spanish final right next to me. How funny.

3 comments:

Married In Chicago said...

not to be a total douche, but when you feel like you are not attractive is it that you feel that when other people look at you they find you unattractive or that when you look at yourself you find yourself to be unattractive? Or both? it is an interesting distinction, yes?

either way, as you said, you know you are beautiful. but i guess rationally knowing this isn't quite the same thing as *feeling* it.

perhaps it is something these other people are doing to put you down?

ill shut up now. being off work obv gives me too much time.

The Grand Duchy said...

Do you want to know when I felt unattractive? Yesterday I was blowing my nose and after doing so I noticed that none of the snot had made it into the kleenex and was on my shirt. Or when I sneezed and snot just flew out of my nose onto the carpet. I even have a little dripping action going on right now. I am so fabulously gross right now.

Married In Chicago said...

you missed the kleenex??? ahahaha. that is so funny in a gross way.