you got that hollywood glow

OMG

I'm obsessed with Amanda Blank. From Philly. She's a rapper.

Here are some songs you should probably listen to and love like I do:

Something Bigger, Something Better
Lemme Get some
Big Heavy

Other than that, not much going on. I would get really into Amanda Blank right before Christmas, hahaha. Also, where did 2009 go? I have to say that I probably missed my year anniversary of this blog, but you know, that's ok. I'll do an end of the year post. woo--hoo2010!

Also, I finished my first semester of grad school-4.0. And also, 1/4th finished!

Mac and Cheese

I have four favorite foods:

1) Mac and Cheese
2) Steak
3) Sushi
4) French Fries

Sometimes, I have intense cravings for these foods. This evening is one of them. I NEEDED mac and cheese. perhaps it is because the temperature dropped. Perhaps it is because I am almost done with school, and I wanted to treat myself. Perhaps it is because my wonderful boyfriend can't be with me this evening. PERHAPS I JUST WANTED SOME MAC AND CHEESE

Because of this craving, I have selected going to a restaurant just so that I can have macaroni and cheese for dinner. I don't know what else I may be getting, perhaps a side salad. It doesn't matter; soon, delicious cheesy noodles will be in my belly and I will be too excited to even care.

I Won't Ever Hurt You (A Trip to the Movies Part 2: The Future)

So this post will be about TWILIGHT and NEW MOON. But no gushing, because that's not how I roll.

So New Moon comes out on Friday. Let's start at the beginning of my Twilight fascination: my good friend Jenny M. recommended to me that I read the books, because she loved them so. It was the summer after I graduated college, I had nothing to do and had a very long list of books that I was almost finished with, so I thought, why the hell not? I tend to like YA fiction, partly because I want to be able to recommend things for my future students/my brother to read. So I got the first booka dn ti was sooooo cheap because it was paperback. I read it in a day, day and a half. I don't remember, I just remember being in a haze of loving it.
Now, part of the reason why I loved it at the time was because I LOVE vampires. When I was a child, I was scared of them, so much so that if I knew my parents were watching a vampire movie, I would tell them they had to get it out of the house. Part of the reason I sleep with the blanket over my head is because when I was little, I thought that would prevent vampires from biting me. (Old habits die hard) However, my love for vampires came in around age 16, and I've been hooked for awhile. Vampires and Zombies. Awesome.

So Twilight had vampires. I also was semi attracted to Edward. He loved Bella, he wanted to be with her, he wanted to keep her safe. I will admit, this attracted me. Perhaps it was because I was having a rough time emotionally. I'll man up and admit it: I had just graduated college, I didn't know or have a job yet or know what I was doing, and in the man department I was being consistently disappointed. It makes sense that I would be attracted to a book character who actively WANTED to be with a person, as my person did not actively want to be with me at all. It was a rough summer/almost 2 years. Anywho, because of this, I liked it. I never liked Bella, I thought she was an annoying character who was all woe-is-me-my-parents-are-divorced. Oftentimes, I get short with people/book characters who complain about their parents being divorced, just because mine have been for so long. It's an insensitive characteristic that I am semi ashamed of. But whatever, I didn't like Bella.

Because it was the summer and because the first three books were already out, I flew through them at an alarming speed. I was well done with them before Breaking Dawn came out, and I was close to reading Eclipse before I got Breaking Dawn just so the story would stay fresh in my memory. But I didn't, just went and got Breaking Dawn and flew through it. Now, I must admit that I did realize at the time that this was the worst writing ever. However, I was originally compelled by the story, which is why I continued to read. Also, I have a bad habit of when I don't know the ending, I have to know, no matter what kind of story.

So I finished the series and was semi disappointed. It was over and what was I left with? Nothing. I let it sit in for a couple of months and I came to this conclusion: I fucking hate everything the book stands for. First, I was very against the fact that Bella lived and breathed for a man who wasn't even alive. Granted, take the supernatural aspect out of it and Bella still lived and breathed for a MAN. She has no outside interests that we are ever show, just Edward Edward Edward Edward. Nothing else. Now, I understand being in love. It's happened to me. I'm in love right now. However, I have outside interests. Granted, they aren't much right now, but I like to read, I like to dance by myself in my room, I watch tv, I am focused on school work, I surf the internet, I like walking, I like hanging out with friends I like reading celebrity gossip, I like clothes, I play videogames and sometimes, I color. The thing is, only one of those is because of my boyfriend, and that's playing videogames. And to be honest, I have always liked playing them, I just had gotten out of the habit and he renewed interest in the matter for me. However, Bella doesn't have any of these. When she has to hang out with people who aren't vampires or werewolves, it's a burden for her. She has friends who like to hang out with her, but she could give two craps about them. I guess in her downtime she reads or something, but there's no mention of it. Really, it's like the times in the book that aren't important enough to write about, she's just sitting on the toilet, thinking about how much she loves Edward. Do something else with your time! Love can be all encompassing and you can think about your significant other 95% of the time, but fill your day with stuff so you're not just sitting around. And so you have a life of your own. I think that was the point about New Moon: to try to get Bella to have a life outside of a man. Which was then a fail, because she just hung out with Jacob all the time and tried to see Edward in near death situations. Ridiculous.
Secondly, I don't know how I feel about the underlying "wait until marriage to have sex" theme. While I recognize that it is a personal choice and I'm not trying to judge, I think it was strange that it was never really explained in that way. Bella's all rip roarin' to go at it and Edward is all "let's wait because I might hurt you." I don't think that we should scare people into not having sex because it will "hurt." I mean, having a baby hurts, people do that. Breaking bones hurts, people do that. So, that's not the way to explain it. I don't know. It was an underlying theme that probably wasn't meant to rub people the wrong way, but it made me uncomfortable. But maybe that's just because I'm a huge hooker (kidding.)
Thirdly, the idea of Edward being a perfect man is great and all, but I'm not sure if it is ok to give young adults/young teenagers the idea that there is a perfect man. And while you think your man is perfect, that does not excuse them from making mistakes or from not being perfect all the time. It's not really being responsible to give girls this male romantic model and have that not be true in all cases. It's unrealistic. Also, to a point, he's kind of controlling of Bella in the "Don't do that, I want/need you to be safe." While it is appropriate to be worried, at the end of the day, you make decisions as a couple, no one tells anyone what else to do.
So these are my thoughts. In no way am I saying I am not going to see the movie New Moon, because I am. I'm disgusted with myself as well, guys. I'm not sure what my Love/Hate relationship is with this movie, but I think it's good that I recognize that I hate it, that I can tell the reasons why I hate it and that I'm old enough to know better. And this is possibly why I won't ever recommend the books to anyone younger than me, because they don't know better. It's bad enough that as a pre-teen/teenager you have ridiculous expectations about love and relationships, and you don't know anything about it and you get your examples from books, tv and movies. But for people to recommend these to people, I just think is irresponsible. I'm not saying I didn't enjoy the books and I"m not saying I won't continue to grossly enjoy the movies, I'm just saying there should be a "Caution: Unrealistic" sticker on them.
Also, I would like to instill some taste in my students, so I will not be recommending this book to them as it's not really very well written. In fact, I'm sure when I do become a teacher, I'll find a student who already writes better than Stephanie Myer. Also on my list of books that I will not recommend: Coldest Winter Ever. The fact that I see 8th graders reading this always hurts me on the inside.

I'm Simmering (A Trip to the Movies Part 1: The Present)

So this afternoon, Brian and I went to go see the Michael Jackson movie This Is It. If you don't know, this movie is about the rehearsals of the concert that Jackson was to perform in England before his death. So I would say that if you don't like Michael Jackson or his music, you would have no interest in this film. However, I LOVE his music, so for me, it was very thrilling. I very much enjoyed this film. It was very interesting to see Jackson go through his process, from choosing the dancers (YES) to the actual rehearsing of the songs, to the way that he wanted to see his vision performed for the audience. Say what you will about him, Jackson was a performer through and through and it really really showed in this documentary. He wanted to make sure that everything was perfect, the dancers, the songs, the crazy 3D movies. Everything. If this tour would have happened, it would have been AMAZING. Not that I had tickets to go or anything, but it was just going to be very intense. A lot of songs, a lot of awesomeness, crazy 3-D movies for THRILLER. It was just going to be good. If you have any interest in seeing this, you should go very soon, as it's only in theatres for 2 weeks. It just opened yesterday.

I love going to the movies. Patrick does not until we get there and then he enjoys himself. I've really been struggling because I used to go to the movies all the time and now I don't. So I'm going to make an effort during the week to go so that I can see all of the movies that I want to see, on my own time, and ask what movies he would be upset about if I saw without him (This is It was not one of them).

However, I also have a lot of movie codes. So we went to the show at 1:30pm on a Thursday. There were 6 other people in the theatre other than us, which is awesome. HOWEVER a couple sat very very close to us; in the row right in front of us, two seats to the side of Brian. That is TOO close when there is no one else around. There are almost a hundred other seats you could choose from and you want to be right up under some people? That's weird. And then. They talked through the whole movie, answered phones and made out. Right when someone was behind them. and it's not like Brian and I were at the very top. no no no. We were in the middle and there was tons of seating behind us. Also, this would be ok if they weren't over 35. Because they were. So that's messed up.

So that was my experience for today. Look out for tomorrow's post, where I FINALLY talk about Twilight because New Moon is coming out soon, so it feels very apropos for right now.

I hope you weren't waiting long. I hope this night makes up for time lost

I'm just going to start winning things on the internet. I've decided. so winning powers, come to me.

Also, at some point, I will be starting a "we go out and eat" food blog with my boyfriend. We've talked it to death. We don't have a title, and I think that is what is taking it so long. But believe you me, we go out to eat every weekend at least once, sometimes more than that, and we run the gamut on tastes (aka I try everything and I try to get him to try things for me) so it will be interesting. And we like doing things together, so this should be fun and will help continue to keep our minds working. Don't wanna get too old where we can't remember anything!

Not much else is new. I'm doing pretty well in school, if I do say so myself, and I just need to start filling my days with things. I signed up for a new program, called IN2Books, where I have a student pen pal and I write to them about books that they've chosen for both of us to read. Which is very exciting, for sure, because I love reading and I love kids! And I think the idea is great! If you can show kids that adults want to read and enjoy reading, I think that is some pretty awesome positive publicity for reading of books. And while I've been kind of behind lately, I DO really enjoy reading. I am currently reading two books, just because I got too excited about both of them to start one at once. So I am going to try to get back into reading.

I also am going to start jogging, I think, even though it's freezing and I probably shouldn't be running before my knee. But, I have supportive gym shoes and I want to start being healthy and more active. Since I don't have a job and only go to school two times a week in the evening, I spend a lot of time sitting around at my house. And while I semi-enjoy it (I get lonely a lot, is my only complaint), it is nice to be active and I do like to keep my body in shape. It was much easier in college, since I just went to dance practice and worked out before eating FOR FREE. That's the issue I think. I liked having a gym membership, but I don't like paying for it and I don't know if I can justify paying for it at this juncture. I might in the spring at the Loyola gym, but I'm not positive. So I'll run and stretch and do some exercise videos. Set up a nice little routine. It's not like I sleep in all day, I usually wake up around 7:30-8am, so I keep regular hours as if I were going to work. I just don't want to get out of that habit for when I do eventually work or next school year where I go to a school for 2 and a half days out of the week. So. I like to try to keep my body on a schedule so it's not shocked into something ridiculous.

I also want to plan a trip to Springfield so that Patrick and I can try the chili place that was on Man Vs. Food that my parents went to when we lived there. I mean, I probably went there, but I'm sure I wasn't munching on some chili at age 9 months. Hahahaha. But if I was, it would explain a lot about my life. Because I certainly do love chili.

Anyway. That's the deal for today. I am making stuffed peppers for dinner and Melrose Place comes on. All of these things are very exciting.

i'm forever young

So. It's October. My laptop is still broken. I got an A- on that test. I was offended that it wasn't a solid A, but I can deal with it. It's Monday.

I can't believe it is October. Time has gone by so quickly, I feel like it was just the summer. But it wasn't and it's most definitely fall for sure. The air is crisp and the leaves are crunchy and I wear hoodies. The only issue I have with fall is socks, but only because socks are prisons for your feet.

With October brings Homecoming. I am going this year and it will probably be my last year, just because I don't even really know anyone there anymore. Which is legit, because it just means that my friends are getting older, which I like. While getting older is scary, I actually really enjoy it. Just because it means that life is moving along and not changing. I don't know. I'm down.

I don't really have anythingSave Now to say, I just thought I should update so that people would know that I still exist.

i wanna get myself out of this bed

There are many days of the week. Today is Wednesday, one of my favorites. Actually, Wednesday IS my favorite day of the working week, and has been since I was in 6th grade. Wednesday is when all the good tv shows come. In 6th grade, that was Dawson's Creek, which I continued to watch until I was a sophomore in high school. I'm sure those Wednesdays when I was a senior in high school, it was the O.C. (don't ask me what show I watched junior year on Wednesdays, cause I couldn't tell you). In college, it was Lost. Hell, it's still Lost. However, there is the addition of Top Chef and Glee and occasionally, trashy MTV reality shows. Also in college, Wednesdays was Senior Meeting, and that was always fun.

So what does me explaining all of this have to do with anything? Why, it has to do with one thing and one thing only: motivation. Wednesdays, for me, are not only the best day of the work week but they are also the motivating day of the work week. Because if you get this and this done, you are halfway through the week and also, look what Wednesday evening has in store for you! TV, TV, more TV and drinking/having fun with friends.

And I was motivated, believe me, I was. But at some point yesterday, all of my plans fell flat and I've been sitting in the library for the last hour doing nothing when I have a test in 2 and a half hours. Now, it's not like I've not been studying for this test, because, I have been. But as my sister and my father both separately brought up to me: there is no reason to not get one hundred percent. And they are both right. We received a study guide. Said study guide is basically the test with the multiple choice answers taken out (I know, it's grad school, I was shocked too). I filled most of it out from memory. I made flash cards. I was in it to win it until yesterday and this morning, when I decided I was bored with studying. What. Who have I become. I also came to the library to do some work for other classes. I can see this not happening, as I didn't bring one of my books and I don't care to read the articles online. Fine. Also, I'm procrastinating right now by writing this blog entry. How lucky! I probably am going to stop writing now and dick around some more on the internet and freak out about living while not actually living! yay!!!

All I can hear I-me-mine I-me-mine I-me-mine

So. My laptop is broken. Well, it is not working correctly. I think if I take it to be fixed, then it should be ok. It is the hardware that is messed up, not the software, just so I don't have to hear any of the "OMG get a mac" comments. Keep those to yourself, thank you very much. Anywho, it couldn't have come at a more imperfect time for me: my first paper is due next Monday. Normally, this wouldn't be an issue. I would do the paper at my leisure on Sunday afternoon/night, getting up to proofread it and then I'd turn it in. However, since my laptop is broken and my roommate is out of town, I have to come to the library to do this. Also, I now will have to pay to print, which sucks, because I just bought a printer, paper, etc so that I could print from the leisure of my home (not that I need to print this paper, I believe it is to be turned in online). Another issue is this weekend. I will be in Chicago on Friday but not Saturday or Sunday. This is the dilemma of all dilemmas, as I now have to write my paper somewhere during this week. I guess it is my choice to not be in Chicago for the whole weekend, but I think that I don't need to be here other than Friday (Whoo-hoo, Lola's 21!)
Oh but also, on top of this, I have a test on Wednesday. I don't think it will be very difficult, but I do think that I am stressing about a lot of things (the laptop, really) on top of this. Speaking of, I think I will study for my test at McDonald's. I am having that for lunch because I feel like it.

Everyone's watching to see what you will do Everyone's looking at you

Today is Tuesday. I am excited. As soon as today is finished, it will be Wednesday. And so on and so forth. Really, what I'm writing about is the weekend.

I really only see my boyfriend during the weekend, since he lives kind of far away from the city. He occasionally comes in for important things, such as baseball games, my birthday, harry potter, etc. I'm not complaining; I know I would love to see him everyday all day 24/7, but that's not possible. But, this is how life is. And I'm ok with it for right now, there's not much I can do about it.

But this is not what I wanted to write about. It's that I wanted to write about the weekend. The weekend is such an interesting time. I think in college, or any school age, you really take it for granted. Sure, it's a break from your week, but it's not like you stayed in every night in college. NO. Some days you only had three classes, some days less than that. Looking back, the weekend was just a time to do nothing and to take a break from your week. Not to say it isn't the same, weekends are to take breaks. But the point of the weekend evolves as you get older. At this age, it's to not be at work for 8 hours a day and to have free time during the day to yourself. In college, when it was nice out, you sat outside between classes. When you work, if it's nice out, you look at the weather from your window. Maybe you can step out for lunch, but that's only an hour max. It's different. When it's not nice during the weekend, you get upset, because it was nice during the week and you couldn't enjoy it. As we get older, the weekends are going to turn into getting to spend quality time with the children, your husband/wife, cleaning your house. I just think it's very interesting that it is so different from what age group you are in.

That said, I wish it was Friday soooooo bad.

Just a midnight train going anyyyyyyyyyyyywhere

It's fall, so that means tv. And while I will be in class my main tv days, I am EXCITED because I have dvr and cable and everything is going to happen to me and I won't have to make tv choices. YES!

New Shows I will watch:

-Glee. If you have not seen the first episode yet and you like musicals/pop music/show choir, go to iTunes, hulu or fox.com and watch it. I'm pretty sure those are all the free, popular venues. The first new episode comes on tomorrow and I'm SO EXCITED.

-Melrose Place. I love Ashlee Simpson-Wentz, even if she can't act. I also like deliciously awful tv shows. From the first episode tonight, I already hate one character and love one character. And there is never enough Ashlee Simpson-Wentz.

-Flash Forward. This is not on yet. But it looks awesome and sci-fyi

-Vampire Diaries. I heard it was good.

Tv Shows I already watch:

-Gossip Girl
-Top Chef
-Real World
-Real Housewives of Atlanta/whatever season it is
-Mad Men
-Project Runway
-Lost when it finally comes back on for it's last season
-Brothers and Sisters
-True Blood but it's ending soon

wait. do i really not watch anything else? that can't be true, but I guess I just can't think of what else I watch. shoot. I promise I am not only a reality show girl, but apparently I can't even back it up. Sadface.

(This post is brought to you by Thai food, Melrose Place and red wine.)

I wore the time like a dress that year

Where to start? I haven't posted in awhile, not since my last library book was due. And guess what? It's still overdue. Lately, I haven't had the motivation to get up and go to the library, which is really ridiculous because it is not far away. In fact, it's a lot closer now that I'VE MOVED.

So I've moved to Wicker Park. I love our new apartment; it's smaller but cozier, and it finally feels like somewhere I want to live. Not to say that I didn't like my old apartment, because I did, but I didn't help make it the way it was. Kate and Molly had it set up the way they wanted at the beginning and I just moved in, but with this apartment, Molly and I put things where they needed to be, with help from Patrick. He was really a great help in the move and went above and beyond what I expected of him. It is very nice to have someone so wonderful in my life; I could never have asked for anything more. I know, kind of cheesy, but how I feel. And also, have you EVER heard me say anything of this sort? The answer to that is no, for sure.

Anyway, we moved (and aren't finished unpacking) and I started grad school. I was waiting until I finished my first week to give a thorough run-down of my classes and I feel like I have enough information now. I started having panic attacks last week before I officially went to any classes because I read the syllabus for one of them and it's just so intense, but I know I can do it. This is what I actually want to be doing, not just what I found interesting. Not that I'm knocking on psychology, because I love it, but I don't know if I ever actually saw myself as a therapist. Anyway, here are my classes:

The Exceptional Child: About Special Education, psychology and children. So far, I don't know how I feel about this. I just got the book in the mail today so I haven't read any of the chapters yet, but I can say that this class is interesting. The professor brings irish soda bread and candy during break for us for a snack, but I have difficulty paying attention in class. there are 50 plus students in the class, so it's kind of a big change. We do in class assignments in groups and he goes over every chapter in power points. It just seems a smidge easier than I would have thought. But I guess I can't complain.

Educational Psychology: I never took this class at Knox because it was kind of difficult to get into if you weren't an Ed major. It will be interesting, since it is covering my past school learning and my future school learning, so that's good. I'll learn a lot. It's an awkward online class, which I didn't really want to take. I've never taken an online class, and I can't see how I will learn anything without direct instruction from the teacher. So far, it's like "You read the chapter, then have a discussion on the discussion board." Uhm. I don't know, it just feels kind of like a jip, like I'm paying myself to teach me this subject. It's just sort of unsatisfactory for me.

Middle School Thought and Curriculum: WOW. This class' syllabus is the one that made me cry/panic. It's very intense, with a clinical portion where I have to go and observe for 15 hours in middle school. There's a lot of reading and I don't know, her syllabus is just very intense and in-depth on what teaching standards each subject we learn relates to. Already we have to read a bok by next week, which I am currently int he process of reading and I actually am really into it, so that's good. Within the first class, this professor had me 95% convinced that I want to teach middle school. No joke. I know I had mentioned it before and I was on the fence about it, but she has me very, very close. I have requested for observation to be placed in either a Spanish class or a Social Studies class, so those are the ones that I am most interested in. I don't know what she said to me, but I'm very excited about this class. At least if there is a lot of work, I can be dedicated to it in that I really enjoy the subject matter. I completed the homework for this class taht I have today last Friday. That's how excited I am about this class.

I don't really have anything else. The weeks are flying by. How is it already September? Feels like just yesterday it was January. Where did 2009 go?

Pretty Young Thang, you'll be there for me

So today is the week that I have been dreading. It is the week I a) start graduate school and b) move from one apartment (Goodbye Humboldt Park) to another (Hello Wicker Park!) I am actually excited about both of these things, but to have them both happen in one week. Well. I am just not prepared. It's just so much. Do I have everything packed? Do I have books? Will my boyfriend stop complaining about not wanting to help me move? Can I gather enough strength to move class before my block of 4-9:30 classes on Thursday? Can I still play Rock Band 2?

Too many questions, not enough time. Today I went to Ikea to get stuff for my apartment, since at our last juncture, Kate took the kitchen table and chairs with her to Atlanta. Which is fine, because she bought it. So we got new ones today and I, finally, got a bed frame, so that I no longer have to sleep on the floor. Do I still need a box spring? Yes. A Desk? Why, half yes (Molly has one, I have to see if I like it. Really, I want that combination bookcase/desk thing that ikea has, but that will just be too big for my room, probably.) After Ikea, we came home and packed up clothes and things that we won't need for the rest of the week and put them in the new apartment and waited for Ikea to deliver our furniture, which came within two hours of the allotted four hour wait, which I thought was very successful. Then we came home and now I want to pass out. It's only 8 o'clock. I also woke up early though.

Anyway. This is life for this week. However, tomorrow is hump day meaning two things: an overwhelming sense of dread that I'm not done with everything and an overwhelming sense of almost relief, as the week is half over.

Work All Day All Night, Trying to get fly

The red velvet cake I was talking about in the last post was a success!! I would post photos, but they didn't come out as glamourous as I would have liked, because of poor lighting/old ass camera, but rest assured it was delicious. Quote from Patrick: "It's like eating a slice of heaven. Best red velvet cake I've ever had." Quote from Patrick's Mom: "It's one of the best ever. And the frosting! I love it."
So all in all, a success.

This week, I, like Alisha, have been getting myself ready for the new school year. The new graduate school year. I feel very important saying this. If you had told me three years ago that I would be going to graduate school this soon, I would be suspect. I'm not really sure what I thought of doing for a real job as a junior in college, but I don't think I would have ever thought about being in grad school, for education, no less. There I was, thinking about being a Psychology star (year right) and preparing myself for a life of spanish speaking. On the bright side of this carrer change business (I must interject to say that I have always wanted to be a teacher and just got sidetracked for five years and am now back where I belong), every class I took as an undergrad, with possibly the exception of Place and Time in Jewish and Israeli Thought and Ceramics, will have an affect on me becoming a teacher. Psychology is important in every trade and market, which is why I think there are so many different forms of it. Spanish is becoming ever important in this day and age, and if I choose to get middle school certified (which I am planning on), I can teach Spanish, which is one of my original, very exciting life goals.

I don't know. I'm excited and I'm scared. Going to Loyola is different; at Orientation for the School of Education, no one sat next to me. I didn't meet anyone. No one talked to me. When we broke out into individual groups by program, I sat down next to someone's stuff and when they came back in the room, they moved away from me. This has never happened to me before. Usually, when people first meet me, we talk. I make a joke. They laugh. They decide in their head that they want to be my friend. And then bam! It is done. The fact that this is not how it is is strange for me. Maybe people don't make friends in grad school. I don't know. It was depressing. On top of that, my money is getting pretty low. So much so that I can't buy books until Tuesday or Wednesday. I have class on Wednesday. I have reading due on Wednsday. This has never been my life. So it's all just different.

But really, I'm not complaining. At least I don't think I am. I am happy, I am hanging out with people and enjoying my time off and watching my boyfriend play softball and eating good food when I can. So it's still all good.

Today we will be cooking

I started this and now have to start again because Firefox froze. Thanks.

Last night, I saw Julie and Julia with my mother and sister. I thought the movie was adorable. If you don't know what it is/don't follow movies religiously like I do, it is based on two true stories; one about Julia Child's life in Paris and the way that she worked on getting her cookbook, Mastering the Art of French Cooking, published. The other is about Julie Powell, who in 2002 blogged about cooking all 524 recipes in Mastering the Art of French Cooking in one year. WOW. I am secretly jealous, but not really. Making all of the recipes I'm sure was difficult, and I think the only thing I'm jealous about is having the prowess to finish something as daunting as that. And also, to get to eat French food. Because. I love it. Anyway, the movie was really cute. As a child, I used to do a spot on impression of Julia Child and I enjoyed watching the reruns of her show. Also, the fact that she is SUPER tall is amazing as I am tall as well. The movie also made me want to read the two books that it was based on, which I ALMOST bought at Barnes and Noble the other day with my father. The only thing that stopped me is that they only had the movie covers of the novels. I hate movie covers. But that's a story for a different day.

If you don't know me (and, perhaps you don't), I am really into food. I love food. Eating for me is an experience that cannot be replaced with anything else, even if it is money. Eating brings me intense joy, and while I sometimes have the not-hungry disease (when I am not hungry), I make myself eat something, anything, to help bring me out of that issue and return to being hunry. But the downside to this is that food costs money. Food costs energy. And food costs time. Since I have not been working while waiting for school to start, I have been cooking. Usually, I bake. I am a baker. I have only really ruined one baked good in my life, and it wasn't even ruined. It was the summer of 2007 and I made red velvet cupcakes. 48 of them to be exact, a double batch. I didn't have enough red food coloring and I cooked them a smidge too long, so they came out a weird red-brown color. Some of them were more red than others, but all in all, not the vibrant red that you usually see. It was disappointing. However, they were delicious and moist, just not the right color. My cousin and his friend would eat about five a day, and they were gone pretty quickly. Still, it is my biggest baking failure to date. I am thinking about going back to baking. I don't do anything during the day except look for part time jobs and watch tv on dvd or on the internet. And I got all caught up yesterday while at my mother's house. So I found a recipe online that I would like to try. To be honest, I can't write what it is because it is going to be a surprise for my boyfriend, who has kind of stopped lurking on this blog (lame), so I can probably tell you anyway. (It's a red velvet cake). It's his favorite. I know, I am really lame. But it's also one of my favorites.

I secretly follow food blogs, and I read Bitten by Mark Bittman at the New York times online all the time. When I had a job, it was one of my favorite things to read to waste time during the day. Food blogs make me jealous that I'm not doing some thrilling cooking in my life, but I have been trying. I have made two Giada recipes, one tyler florence recipe and my Ina staple that I kind of change everytime I make it. those are my favorite Food Network Chefs. I like Paula for watching; I think I would secretly hate half of the food she makes, because she uses too much not freshly made mayonnaise. I hate mayo unless it's freshly made and you may be wondering, where did you try fresh mayo? And the answer is, my host mom in Spain used to make it. And we would eat it on EVERYTHING including vegetables and calamari and it was the most mayo I've ever eaten in my life. And I plan on asking for the recipe, although that might be a smidge more difficult because of the metric conversions. But I'm going to try it.

Man. This has kind of made me hungry. Fortunately, I haven't eaten yet and fortunately, I have a fully stocked fridge and pantry with lots of food for me to eat.

It's Not What's on Your Head But What's Underneath

I just took out all of my weave.

Yes, I have had weave (extensions) for ten months now. And I don't know if I was just sick of having long hair or sick of getting it done or sick of paying to get it done, but this week, I just knew that I wanted it out. I was done! I scheduled a hair appointment and thought "this is it. short hair." And I had a mini freak out in the shower when I realized how short it actually was, but. I'm gonna do it. Something about having fake hair has never set well with me; I was always worried that it looked bad or that people could tell. And I told people that I had weave, I was never ashamed. But it just didn't feel like me. Yes, I liked having long hair, but I also live my life very natural. I rarely wear make-up, I really just enjoy wearing jeans and a t-shirt/tank top, I don't wear heels very often; I'm just me. And having weave always messed with that part of me, the part of me that is very simplistic and takes max 25 minutes to get ready to go out (if I have my clothes already chosen). So, for me, this wasn't the best option.

Also, I kind of felt like getting weave was/is a scam. There are two different ways that you can get weave-glued on or sewed in. They are both expensive, but glued requires more upkeep, since it's just glued to your head, it tends to fall out a little more. I have had both options, but lately my last hairdresser kept being like "glued in is better for your hair" since sew in requires braids and then the weave is sewn to the braids. HOWEVER on an Americorps salary, glued in got pricey, as you really needed to get it done ever 2-3 weeks, and at close to a hundred each time, there was no way I could afford to do that. Plus, you have to buy the weave every once in awhile, so that also increased the price.

Basically, me choosing to go short is because of how I feel on the inside about my hair (I was feeling like a fake impostor) and because I'm poor. Maybe one day I'll go back to weave or HELLS BELLS maybe my hair will be long again like it was when I was in high school/the beginning of college. Who can say? I already know what hairstyle I want! Taraji P. Henson's hair at the Oscars really does it for me. I think it's super cute and there are long bangs involved, which if you have never seen a picture of me, I'm in love with my long bangs.




See? Super cute. And if it ends up not being as cute, it's just hair. Eventually it will grow back.

You Seem Like You'd be a good Dad

This. is the post. About Jon & Kate + 8. If you are new to the world of celebrity gossip, or just have been living under a rock for the past three months, then I will give you some background. Jon & Kate were a couple who fell in love and got married but then found out that they had difficulty getting pregnant. They then got artificially insemeniated (well, Kate did) and had twins. Then they decided that they wanted just ONE more child, and got artificially insemeniated again. However, this time there were SEVEN kids, instead of one. They decided to go on with the pregnancy; unfortunately one of the babies died, but six survived. They were then profiled on some Discovery Health shows because of the large number of their family, and eventually, they were given their own tv show on Discovery Health, who then moved it to TLC. That leads us to today, where these young children and their parents have been on tv for a good couple of years now. I have enjoyed watching them and have my favorites among the children: Mady, Alexis and Aeden. All very adorable and while I think Mady might have some childhood depression issues, still, they are in a loving household. Regardless of the previous rumors that Kate is crazy and sucks and just wants the cameras, they are loved. And also, just because she spanks her children doesn't mean anything, as long as she's not pulling a Joe Jackson and beating them everyday. But, I digress.

I watched this show because I liked how cute they did things, how they had special days for all of the children so that they didn't feel left out and the fact that all of the siblings really love each other. However, then came an annoucement: Jon and Kate were getting a divorce. And they were still showing episodes before this annoucement. The fifth season premiere was difficult to watch. I sat down with my sister to do so, and thought I would be watching a wonderful episode about the sextuplets sixth birthday. Boy, was I wrong. While their party looked like it was a lot of fun, it was plauged by the paparazzi and the fact that their parents weren't visably speaking to each other. Jon was only in the episode for about 10 minutes, and at the party, Kate and him barely spoke to each other. And this is where I got disgusted with the show. The fact of the matter is, there were a couple more episodes that were being shown after this one. I'm sure the parents continued their chilly repertoire while the kids carried on, probably not unknowlingly. I couldn't watch them because I couldn't support having this family's personal struggle with marriage and seperation and divorce be on television. Not only does it suck to have parents who are divorced (as mine are, and have been since I was 10) but the fact that there is now going to be a recorded documenation of the dissemination of their marriage for their children to look at in the future is ridiculous. More ridiculous is that they have other people watching it. It was mentioned in a previous season's episode that the sextuplets enjoy watching their own show on dvd. I'm sure it is really fun to see themselves on tv doing a lot of fun things. For that, those dvds will be memorable, as I'm jealous of people who have home videos from their childhood. However, now they have recorded documenation that their lives are about to change very quickly and very sadly for them. At some point, these children will go on to different kinds of schools, where children might not be very nice to them, and point out that their parent's marriage broke on television. Some family issues are very private, and even though, yes they signed on for this show, and yes, this is reality tv, at some point everyone has to take a step back and realize, for better or for worse, that these children are going to be effected by this.

I don't want to judge them for being on tv, I don't want to say that that caused stress in their marriage, because in all honesty we will never know. And I was pretty nuetral about picking sides or judging Jon and/or Kate in their marriage.

HOWEVER now that there are photos of Jon walking around and taking vacations with some 23 year old ugmo, I cannot keep silent. While yes, I don't know what happened in their marriage and yes, it's not really my business, I happen to think that this is just distasteful. I recognize that you want to have a different life and want to move on, but what I think he is not thinking about is HIS CHILDREN. I found out that my dad cheated on my mom and then had to sit back and watch my father take this woman to family functions where my mom should have been or see him kiss her in public. It was hard. And for Jon to be going around taking vacations with this woman while not yet officially and legally divorced from Kate is rough. And, again, how do I know he's running around with a 23 year old not hottie? The tabloids. There are HUNDREDS of pictures all over the pleace of them on vacation, them on a boat, them grossly smoking cigarettes together. It's just out of hand. Jon has brought this woman to their home to hang out with the children and she sunbathed. While the sextuplets are young enough to probably be confused about this woman and like her, the twins are older and I'm sure it's difficult for them to sit around and watch her and their father parade around, all the while knowing that this is who their father is dating now. I just think that Jon needs to have a little self control and not be selfish. The thing about divorce is that it hurts all parties, but the adults usually spring back a little faster than the children do. Divorce is the most hurtful to children and the fact that this divorce is so public is just going to make it worse in the long run for these children. Unfortunately, Jon seems to have not figured that out yet. Just because you don't let your children read the tabloids does not mean that other children's parents do not let their children read the tabloids. At some point, these pictures, and any more pictures in the future are going to come up. I say that we should all stop giving Jon, Kate and their 8 children any attention and let them figure out their own problems.

Also, I only call the 23 year old girlfriend not cute because she's really not cute. Maybe it's the way she dresses, I don't know.

D.O.A.

It's difficult to update anything when you have a busy schedule/are trying to finish reading Harry Potter before the midnight showing and are only on chapter 7 out of 30. :/
I'm worried I won't finish it, and my roommate Molly and I are reading it outloud because we both want to read it.

Anyway, on Tuesday, Patrick and I saw Jay-Z (note: Patrick is my boyfriend. I guess I can call him that in my blog.) And. It was AWESOME. Seriously, I really enjoyed it and I now have a really cute shirt to wear that will look GREAT with skinny jeans. I kind of want to wear it to the No Doubt concert but feel like that might be too weird. But maybe people will get it and I'll get Jay-Z shout outs. Anyway, I love summer, outdoor concerts, even if there is difficulty with getting as close as you wanted to. I'm really excited for No Doubt because they have seriously been my favorite band since I was ten, eleven and to see them is going to be awesome. Gwen Stefani is like my favorite, I personally think she can do no wrong and was jammin' to "Hollaback Girl" before everybody else thought it was cool. I still love that song and will STILL blast it on the radio. It's going to be super duper awesome to see No Doubt live, I'm going to enjoy every minute of it.

I was going to make a post eventually about Twilight and also now one about Jon and Kate plus 8 but i'm too lazy right now and would rather get on the telephone. Maybe I'll write one about my adventures with videogames tomorrow evening at some point too?

Oh, but also, I got into grad school. I keep forgetting to tell people that I'm going to Loyola University Chicago in the fall. HOLLER

You Gotta Have 'Em, You Glad You Got 'Em

Have you seen this?







This is my dance from last year. I love it. I love the song. I love that I choreographed it in just 4 weeks. love love love love love it
I miss dancing on an everyday basis, but I dance all the time to make up for it. Seriously, I've never not dance when music is on, except for today when I was being emo about PJT leaving my apartment. Also, he doesn't want to be called that, but I can't think of anything on the spot right now, so I will ponder and get back.

It's the summer so I eat light. it's a weird habit I have. when it got to be hot at knox for the spring/summer, I would just eat hummus and pitas for dinner, nothing else. Fruit for lunch. For dinner today, I think i'm going to have one avocado, some popcorn, and a mango for dessert.

Yummy.

The Sky is full of clouds and My world's full...of people. We got the different kinds

This weekend I returned to great old Knox College for the end part of senior week/Graduation. It was interesting. I wasn't super upset about not going there, but I did get pretty emo during graduation. Not because people I knew were graduating, but because I graduated a year ago. Which is just very, very, very strange to think about. I think it's more just that the year has gone by so quickly, and I feel that most of us are in completely different situations than previously thought. I'm not saying I don't like it, because I am very, very, very much enjoying my life right now, I just think that because it happened so quickly it's shocking. Where did the time go? Can I ever get it back?
The answer to that is no. And I know it, it just seems odd that life is going to continue to go by quickly. Remember when you were younger and it took so long for your birthday to come again? Or for summer to end? That doesn't happen anymore; weeks fly by so quickly that you forget what you looked like two months ago.

Anyway, this week is gonna be boring and probably go by slow. It's the last week of CPS' school year, so the health center is about to get quiet. And I am about to get sad. While Americorps perhaps has not been my most fun experience, I will say that I will miss every single one of those kids who come into the health center/who I taught in class. Even if they are the baddest kids ever (my favorite child is SUPER DUPER bad and I love it), I will miss them talking to me, I will miss them being sick so that they can come hang out with me in the health center, I will miss them asking me questions about nutrition/health/illiness/anything, I will just straight up miss them. In fact, I feel that I will be pretty sad about it for quite some time. I think that is probably the part about being a teacher that is difficult: you have to let the kids go after only a year. Yeah, they will possibly still be in the same building with you, but they won't be in your class and they won't be in your life as much as you want them to be. So that's something I'll have to get used to, since I want to be a teacher. Hmmm.

One last thought, as to the title of this post, is that so many of my friends are in interracial relationships, including myself, and I think that it is pretty much awesome. In the words of my boyfriend (who I will know refer to as PJT from now on, since I call him by his last name) "I don't see color." Which makes me laugh all the time, because it's ridiculous to actually say it, but obviously he does not.
Plus, all of my friends are hot, and their boyfriends/girlfriends are pretty attractive to, so we're legit winning.

We're just choosy

A lot has happened lately. I have not blogged about it because. I couldn't make it funny and I've been really busy.

1.) I moved to Humboldt Park. As in just now.
2.) I have a boyfriend. This is not a joke, it is real. He is cute. I like him.
3.) I am going to Oakland/San Francisco. Friends there should plan accordingly.
4.) It is almost summertime chiiiiiiiiiiiiiii and I am TOO PUMPED.

the end.

I Was Waiting For You

Sometimes, there are times where you think "This is just like a movie." I think it's so strange when they happen because obviously stuff happens to writers and they are like "This will be perfect in my movie!"

Yesterday, while celebrating me moving to the city, Molly and I went to Sultan's for dinner. And I was talking about how excited I am for Summertime Chi, and how I was only going to listen to 90s Hip Hop and R&B, nothing else. And I said "Not like late 90s hip hop, like early 90s hip hop, when Biggie, Pac and Jay-Z first came out. Back when Will Smith was the Fresh Prince with DJ Jazzy Jeff." And continued to eat my falafel sandwich. Not three minutes later "Summertime" by Fresh Prince and DJ Jazzy Jeff comes on.
WHAT.

It's like that one time in the caf back at Knox, where I KNOW Alisha and Brian were there,w hen "Let's Stay Together" came on whatever radio station was on and everyone getting food sang and danced.
Ridiculous life times.

When I come back like Jordan, Wearin the '45

Oh man. The bulls game last night was super intense. And Derek Rose fell over his fucking feet FACT.
Ridic.

So I haven't really had anything to say lately. I could work on that Twilight post that is legit coming or black hair or about being single, but I don't know. I'm not feeling super creative lately and there are things standing in my way.

Like swine flu. Just kidding. But I am tired of the hype over it. I'm not saying that it's not a legitimate concern, but I am saying that people do die from the regular flu all the time (or at least the strain we are used to). For advice: wash your hands VIGILANTLY and make sure you cover your nose and mouth. If you're feeling sick, don't go to work but also, go to a doctor to make sure you don't have any of the symptoms.
And yes, I do work in a health center. Can you tell?

But I think I'm going to plug my new favorite obsession: Texts from Last Night
Look at it. Read it. Laugh.

Why do you let me stay here

Today, I kind of ditched work. Kind of. We were supposed to work on grant proposals all day, but I instead did mine last night and this morning and just hung out in the nice weather. I'm ok with this fact, because I have to work tomorrow! 9:15-5ish. 6 days straight! I'm so excited that I can't hide it.

Anyway, I was on public transportation a lot today. And also sitting alone a lot, waiting for Molly, Valerie and Ashlee. I observed a lot of different people, which is why I love taking public transport. I am so naturally nosy that people watching is one of my top ten things to do. A quick run down of the what was super interesting today:

1.) I took the 11:15 train into the city. And let me tell you, that train was crowded. With a d-bag ticket collecter guy (what is the correct name for that). Anyway, he totally made all of these people with kids under age 12 pay when I know for a fact that they don't have to. I even saw a sign on the way home in a metra station detailing this same fact. I'm trying to find where it says on the website, but can't find it. In any case, guy was a douche.

2.) There was a group of four high school girls who were discussing people who were protesting Obama. They also discussed religion. And one of them said Catholicism wrong. Like saying "Catholic" and "ism" together. They also said to someone on the phone "I think we're near UIC" (Note: Metra Electric line is NOWHERE NEAR UIC) All in all. Humorous.

3.) A guy on the blue line blatently staring at me. I don't know why people think that's ok. Like, If I look at you while you're staring at me, you should probably look away. Maybe that was his strange way of hitting on me. I don't know.

4.) A girl got into a fight with her boyfriend on the phone. I guess he was supposed to come and meet her and he didn't and she flipped out and was like "Well. I'll just go home by myself instead of waiting twenty minutes for you." And was yelling. Then she waited twenty minutes, read a book, smoked two cigarettes and left. Never saw the boyfriend.

That was just what was noticeable. Then I went to Millenium park and ate lunch and fell asleep. Then I got on the ever crowded 4:08 train and came home. Now I am here. Waiting to figure out when the right time is to go to sleep.

The Modern Man (Girl) Must Hustle

i was going to write about black women's hair and now.
i'm over it.

i got nothing

Flashing....Lights

I took off work today so that I could watch the opening day game of The Chicago White Sox. However, because it snowed, the game was postponed. Sadface, for sure. However, there was a Hills marathon on and I cleaned my room, so really. I guess it worked out.

So, I got netflix back because I have no friends/no life and the first two discs I received were How I Met Your Mother Season 1 Disc 1 and "Tyler Perry's The Family that Preys." While I was super excited for How I met Your mother (really, it is quite hilarious), I was iffy on The Family that Preys. I got it becuase it looked different than other Tyler Perry films (aka NO Madea) and I really like Sanaa Latham because she's really pretty. I also did not know Taraji P. Henson was in it, and I love her as well.
However, watching this film, which was not even more tahn two hours, was really rough. It started off slow, and there was lots of business speak. The movie was about a white family and a black family, which I resented from the very beginning because (shocker) the white family was SUPER rich and the black family was poor. Wow. Way to write outside the box Tyler Perry. There were also a lot of sterotypes that I thought for some reason Tyler Perry would ignore. I was wrong. Sanaa Latham was the angry bitchy black woman and her sister, Taraji P. Henson, was sassy and had a soft spoken husband, who was Mr. Perry himself. Also, Sanaa Latham was having an affair with the head executive of her company, the son of the rich white family. And on, and on, and on. Something about Perry's movies rub me the wrong way, and I think part of it is becuase it's so sterotypical. However, while watching it last night, I decided that Tyler Perry writes his scripts (or at least this one) as if they are morality plays: telling all of the people of the world how to act. And while not as complex as originally morality plays were, it still had the basic understanding of if you are good and virtuous you will thrive and if you are not, you will eventually fall. And while this is a nice message, I don't think it is necessairly the truth in any sense, especially not in the world today.

But, if you were thinking about starting How I Met Your Mother. I think you should.

I bet I can make you believe in love and sex and magic OH

Oh sunday. I had a wonderful weekend in which I saw I Love You, Man AGAIN and went and got cupcakes at Molly's Cupcakes with Conor and Molly. Heh heh. Molly doesn't own Molly's Cupcakes, but I wish she did becuase it was delicious. Then last night Molly and I went bro hunting with surprising results. She met guys that weren't bros, some dude from Lithuinia told me "I live far away from Africa. I dream about African girls, but I will never get one" and we met up with Paul, Kenny and Krisinda. It was pretty crazy and a lot of cab fare, but it was probably worth it.
However, here's something about going out: I feel like guys have started to hit on women in general less and less and kind of just stare at you from across the bar. It happened to me multiple times yesterday. Dude from Lithuina straight stared at me for about twenty-five minutes before he got drunk enough to come and talk to me, and some other guys yesterday just danced on me while I was trying to walk to get my attention. Uhm, no. If you really want me to come and speak to you, the proper thing for you to do is to come and talk to me. And maybe I'll talk back. I don't think I'm that intimidating and I know I didn't have my bar face on yesterday and was SMILING so who can say.

Also, lately I've been feeling like people are mad at me. Maybe I'm really the one who is mad or maybe I just don't care in general.

But. The new Ciara and Justin Timberlake song/video is so freaking HOT. Seriously. Hottest thing I've ever seen.

You can stand under my umbrella, ella, ella, eh eh eh

Today I was working a Report Card Pick Up Day for a High School. We give out information about the clinic and freebies such as toohthbrushes, floss and candy. For one thing, I don't GET report card pick up day. Like, it doesn't make any sense to me at all. In high school, they just sent us our report cards. What does making the parents come to pick it up change? I guess it takes out the possibility that the kid will run home and hide the report card from their parents, but seriously. It's actually a wasted day of school.

Since I sound like an old lady already, I'm going to go into my day's rant. At this high school, one of the extracurricular activities is belly dancing. And they wear the belly dancing outfits-like this- in the school. On report card pick up day. And perform in every area.
Uh WHAT?

Now, I guess I don't really have a problem with belly dancing. In fact, I don't. It's a form of dancing, and I personally think everyone should try every form of dancing ever because it's good for you and it's fun and it's a way to express yourself. However, I'm not entirely positive that belly dancing is a good fit for high school. For one thing, apparently it's "optional" on if you wear a sheer leotard underneath your costume, so there were girls running around with their stomachs bare. And it's not like I'm a prude, I've worn some pretty outrageous stuff (see Pimps and Hos 2005) I just think there is a time and a place for these things. And I'm not positive that a high school is the correct venue for belly dancing. For one thing, I'm not sure if it's ok to sexualize teenagers that early. I know they are sexualized, but pretty much while they were performing, parents (DADS) stopped to watch and so did male teachers. Not only does this feel like they are playing with fire, but they are also presenting these girls as something older and more mature than what they should be. Also, it's school. For one thing, with our dress codes in high school, we couldn't have even had those costumes and run around in them. Period, we would have gotten sent home or not been allowed to perform. They didn't even let the cheerleaders wear their skirts during school after my freshman year.
There were also teenage boys STARING at these girls like pieces of meat. If that didn't get them to go home and masturbate for hours, I'm not sure what would.
But, where are these children's parents? I know for a fact that my mom nor my dad would let me do belly dancing in high school, and if I whined about it enough, they'd speak to the coach/instructor and make them change the outfits because it wouldn't be deemed appropriate. I think I'm more shocked that there aren't parents in uproar about this but hey-I don't know the full story, I was just a visitor for a day.
Then, when they finished performing, I had to clap because it's rude not to. FML.

I don't know. This enraged me for some reason. Since I just did a rant, the Twilight one will have to be put on hold, but boy...it's gonna be a big one.

Where were you

So, I really want to go on a road trip. Do people rent cars for this or do they take their own? Honestly, I'm selfish and don't want to put anymore miles on my car. Plus, you could rent a nicer car than yours, like in Crossroads, a convertible and we could sing "If it Makes You Happy?" over a montage of different scenery.
Ok, maybe not.

But really, the reason I want to take a road trip is because of Diners, Drive Ins and Dives. Now, you may think when you first see this show "Hey, it's that really annoying guy from the TGI Friday's commercials," and yes, it is that guy. But this is his show on Food Network. It is honestly the best show I've ever seen. Guy Fieri just goes to different "greasy spoons" or local places and just eats their delicious food. I've learned so much about different types of food I want to try from his show. And I even found out about a Chicago thin crust pizza that I've never eaten before but it looks delicious! (Note: I probably have never eaten there also because I think it's in the part of the South Side that hates black people.)

Basically. I want to go on a road trip of different places that Guy Fieri has been on Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. Really, who wants to go with me?

If that boy don't love you by now

There is snow outside. On March 29th. I'm hungry. My sister has been in and out of the hospital. My computer is making weird noises. I can only say that I haven't put anything in this because I am not having a good time. I think at the show, I will get some pretzel bites.

All The things I could do. If I had a little money. It's a Rich Man's World

Guess what I forgot?
How much I hate applying to things. Seriously. I wish I was over this part of my life. I woke up this morning to try and schedule an appointment and failed and then I decided to watch the last part of an episode of 90210 and then start applying to schools. And then I figured out why I keep putting it off: Because I hate filling applications out. However, I really want to be a teacher, so I'm going to do this, obviously. Cause that's what I need to do.

Ugh. Seriously. I wish there was an easier way to like get into things. But there's not, so I gotta suck it up and not be a little bitch.
Basically, I just need to man up.

Girl. You'll Be a Woman. Soon

So I wrote this long entry and then blogspot deleted it. THANKS A LOT. I will try to recreate the genius that I wrote ten minutes ago.

It's March and that can only mean one thing: NCAA Tourney. And filling out brackets! When I was six I used to DREAD March because the only thing we could watch at night was basketball, and I was not into it at all. But now, as an older soul, I can tell you that I kind of like it. No, I don't watch every game, but I still enjoy the season. Especially filling out brackets. It's like a ritual: who do you think is going to win, whose statistics are better, can you choose the underdog to win it all? It's just all very interesting. I could fill out brackets all day. Seriously. And think of all the different combinations you can make! It's a math major's dream.
(I am not a math major)
The other good part about March Madness is that I don't really have any allegiances to any teams, so in brackets, I can choose who is actually going to perform better without feeling like a shithead. Yeah D3 schools! the only schools that I have any sort of alliance too include Kansas and Illinois. That's about it. Sometimes Georgetown, if they're good enough to be included (they were not this year). I've been filling out like a bracket a day. Anyone want to start a pool?

I heard a rumor that governor Quinn is about to stop sales tax for ten days. I will spend SO MUCH money during those days, it will be ridiculous. Ok, I won't, but it will be nice to not have to pay a sales tax. (10 days in August, but only for clothes, shoes and supplies)

Siki made his status about Pepper Ann and now all I want to do is watch Pepper Ann/the theme song is stuck in my head.

Everytime I go to the library, I can't not get any books. Like, today I was just returning books, especially since my dad just bought me books. Oh well, apparently I didn't give a shit, cause I checked out four books, and I just checked out four books four days ago. Who am I?
I guess a person who likes to read.
I finished Confessions of a Shopaholic today (I opted to read the book and not see the movie) and I was geniunly intrigued by how well she wrote about people who impulsively shop. But also, it was frightening because I'm pretty effing close, I won't lie.
More on that...another day

I would be you you would be me we would be one we would be just fine

So yesterday, while waiting for a series of events to occur, I started watching this move called The Go-Getter on showtime, because. Zooey Deschanel was in it. I actually really like her a lot, and I find it difficult to not run out and see every movie she's been in ever (I did however, opt to not see Yes Man. I will catch that on DVD). So for part of the movie, she's just a voice on a telephone, which is fine, because her voice is very recognizable. HOwever, before we the audience get to see her, we have to see Jena Malone. Her voice, to me, is very recognizable and as soon as I heard it, I almost changed the channel because I can't stand her. I don't know what it is about her, but I would prefer to not watch movies with her in it. And I think it's because she like started off in Stepmom and then just continuously only decided to be in independent films. Good. Good for her. I have managed to enjoy movies when she was in them, but frankly, I still don't even like her. She's a good actress though. It's a strange hatred that I have, I know.

Anyway, the movie was just ok. Both of my parents called me during it and I got upset by one of their phone calls and then I had to shower so I missed the end of the movie. I read the ending, and it seemed kind of like a let-down. Maybe I'll see it again, maybe I won't.

Anyway, the next movie Zooey Deschanel will be in is 500 Days of Summer and I'm pretty excited because it's her and Joseph Gordon Levitt dating. JGL is pretty much my dream man, not gonna lie. Also, guess who's not in it?
JENA MALONE

Ain't Ain't I Real

So I will explain my lack of updates in that my basement flooded twice. The first time it flooded, my power cord got destroyed, therefore I couldn't use my laptop. The second time it flooded, my internet got messed up, therefore I had a laptop with no power + no internet = I'm really not able to do anything. So that's messed up. But I'm back, and it's exciting/It's time to start applying for school. Wamp wamp. But I need to so that when I move I can pretend like there was a reason other than me not wanting to live in the Ho-Flo. Not that there's anything wrong with the Ho-Flo, and I'm sure about to go to Wal-Mart and look for those Taylor Swift sundresses, I just feel like I'm going to get stuck int he south suburbs. And I don't want to do that. This has never really been my plan. And yes, I failed at the beginning of my Americorps experience in that Meggan asked if anyone wanted to be roomates and I said no, when really, I should have said yes, because Meggan and I actually get along really well. So that was my mistake. Basically, my life has consisted of a lot of mistakes, but you know. That's how you learn and grow, so I guess I can't really hate.

Also, if you'll note, it is 8:44 am on a Saturday. I woke up an hour ago. I have a huge sleeping problem, and everyone knows this. I wake up super early all the time and occasionally can't sleep through the whole night. It is especially awful if I am worrying about something before bed, because I will wake up like 4 hours later and worry some more. It's an intense problem, one I'm trying to deal with without psychologically drugs. Mainly because at some point, I do want to have children, and I'm pretty positive I can't take drugs everyday on that one. But last night what I was worrying about was how I was going to pay for my apartment after Americorps is over. The only awkward thing about my Americorps program ending is that it ends July 17th. Normally, I would just try to be a camp counselor, since I like kids and I could make a decent amount of money. However, I have to work full time until July 17th, so that's a no go. And who can say if ESPN Zone will have a hostess job open. (You may laugh, but that's like actually my dream job. Especially during the summer, where all that will be on is BASEBALL)
So I get worried. Naturally. Also, it doesn't help when my mom harass me about it because she really doesn't want me to move. At all. Which I yell at her all the time about not being supportive because she should be. But whatever, it's because she won't really have a built in babysitter anymore, and that's a problem that she has to figure out. Not me.

What else? I saw the Watchmen and thought it was fabulous. Apparently, there are a lot of critics who hate it, but I thought it was pretty fair and true to the graphic novel. And yes, it sucks that some parts were cut out, but the movie was already 3 hours long. I don't think I could have sat through much more, and I love the graphic novel. Just sayin.

I went to Knox last weekend to see the Terp show and it was weird. Because I wasn't in it. I haven't actually watched a Terp show in the audience since my freshman year winter term. I didn't even see it my freshman year fall term. So it was a weird experience, and I have to say. I kind of didn't like it. I won't lie.

I guess this is growing up.

Bad Medicine is what I need, whoa whoa, shake it up

So this weekend, I saw this 80s cover band called Sixteen Candles and it was a really good time. Seriously, I want to follow them around and just dance to 80s music for the rest of my life.

Except, I'm pretty sure they don't play Talking Heads, which is pretty upsetting as they are my favorite band ever.

However, I am half watching America's Next Best Dance Crew (because I'm so over it), and I REALLY want to be a female dj. Like, why don't I know how to spin? Do you think Greg Gillis will teach me? Could we go on tour and could my name be BOY TALK?
I'm a pipe dreamer

Also, I can move! Soon! I got the dinero, yo. But really. I should apply to grad school before I move.
Jawesome. Tell me where to move!

And everybody will ask what became of you?

I haven't updated in a minute, I KNOW. My B. I'm not as bad as "Catie" but I'll let that slide. Also, my laptop does not turn on because it lost its charge and my charger got ruined in flood that occurred in my basement last week. Therefore, I am on my family's computer, which I do not like as much as my laptop, for obvious reasons. Also, it is delaying my admission to graduate school. Ok, so that's not true at all.

True to form, I also have not been posting because I don't want to be emo in any way, shape or form, especially when one of my nearest and dearest closest best friends is engaged! How exciting. Seriously, it is really exciting and I'm so happy! They also make me believe in love and everyone should believe in love, really. I said this to Nish once "I believe in love like I believe in God. I just know it exists." And I do, really believe in that statement.

Speaking of Nish, I have been leaving him "Black History Moments" everyday on facebook. It's funny, but informative.

This weekend was legit, even though I had no true valentine of my own. But Kristin did well, and I got to see a lot of people I haven't seen in a minute, such as Michael, Andrew, Mikell, Tippy, Larry, Bruce, Vince and Rob. Yay. I like seeing people.

So I started this and then realized that American Idol was coming on, but since I don't really have anything to say and should take my birth control, I will continue later.

You're on my radar, on my radar

So today I have been having a day. Where I am annoyed by like, everything. So that's good. Or not.

Yeah, that's actually a not.

anyway, what really bothers me is the radio. For one thing, they play the same songs over and over again and it's never REALLY the song you want to hear. For instance, I could hear "Love Story" by Taylor Swift over and over again, but it's never effing on. What? Play it, it's good. I mean, at work we listen to the urban stations and they pretty much play the same songs over and over again: "Just Like Me"-Jamie Foxx, "Got Her Own (Remix)" - Ne-Yo, Jamie Foxx, and Fabulous, "Trading Places" - Usher.
In general, I really like these songs. I like the "Just Like Me" song because Taraji P. Henson is in the video. I like "Got Her Own (Remix)" because one day I aspire to have my own things. And "Trading Places" was legit until it made me realize that I was not actually having sex with anyone, so then it made me sad.
So yeah. Legit songs. Until you hear them not even an hour apart for 8.5 hours straight and then you want to shoot yourself in the head.
I guess I should be happy that the got her own remix does not include R.Kelly. I'm over R.Kelly remixes except for "I'm a Flirt"
Gold, right there.

But the crazy thing that happened today was when I got on facebook and a childhood friend friended me. Now, I haven't seen this girl since she was like...5?6? And her sister friended me last year, and she looked the same. Now Demi (the younger sister who I haven't seen since she was 5) looks COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. And I guess part of it is that I didn't really know what she would grow up into. I look at pictures of when I was 5, and I look totally different than right now. I mean, I kind of have the same facial expressions, but your face still is changing and looking different everyday. So she friended me, and thank goodness facebook has names or else I would have had no idea who she was! I still think it's really crazy, and I'd love to call my sister and tell her about it because this is her childhood best friend but I can't because she can't talk to anyone on the cell phone because she's joining a sorority.
Barf-ola.

I can't wait to see you again

This weekend I went to knox with Steph and Rose. It was fun! to see a lot of people. The only issue is you can't see everyone because there are just not enough hours in a day. Which is sad, because you wish you could see everyone, even axillary characters that you didn't even hang out with that much. Sigh. I always wish there were more than 24 hours in the day or that I wasn't the first person to pass out both nights.

In other news, my eyes have been hurting since I fell asleep in my contacts on saturday and today I had a headache from 8:30am-6pm. So that's great. Or not. It kind of has me worried, because I don't really get headaches and I finally gave in and took some tylenol at 3, but obviously it didn't work until 6. I don't know why my body is choosing to fall apart when I don't have good enough insurance to pay for it.

I just finished watching Underworld: Rise of the Lycans with Rose at the theatre. It was so good, but I also really like vampires and the Underworld series. The show I go to has so many good movies right now and I need to see them NOW. On the list:

-Revolutionary Road
-Slumdog Millionaire
-Notorious
-The Reader
-Milk (I saw it already, but really want to see it again)

Phew. I don't know if I have time fo rall of these movies, but I do really need to see all of them. I'm almost postivie that Notorious will be there for awhile, but the other ones not so much because of the theatre market I live in. Wamp Wamp.

What else? Nothing else actually that won't make this post really emo.

Amber is the color of your energy...

So the other day I asked my brother if he knew who 311 was and he said "no." Then I sang parts of "down" and "amber" and he still didn't know.

I'M SO OLD

In other news, I keep having something to write in here and then forget. I guess that's the life of the old folk

Times, they are a changing

So I have been trying to make my weekends as fun as possible to counteract the not so awesome parts of my life (work, living situations, life, etc.) and I've been succeeding! Hooray!

But how it happened was crazy. So Kristin, Paul, Rose and I went to McGee's, which I happen to like WAAAAAAAAAAY better than Durkin's, although that's where rando old dudes tell me I'm beatufiul. LOL. But anyway, in the cab over there (because Paul only goes gangsta with it) Rose texts Stephanie where we are going. By the time we get there, she hasn't texted back, so we're just at the bar. And we're standing at the front with Paul's friends, getting free drinks from them when all of a sudden, I see this girl walking into the bar from outside and I go "That girl looks like Katya." TOO BAD IT WAS KATYA. And then she was like "Maureen and Stephanie are here!" And then we went and found them and then we were all friends and hung out and itw as awesome!
And it really made my weekend. For sure. And also, seeing old high school people and them telling me they have a crush on Nick is also pretty awesome too. Hahaha.

Also, they just played Vampire Weekend on American Idol. Weird. But also. I know I'm waaaaaaaaaaaaay late, but I love Vampire Weekend. Plus, Campus is like the best song ever.

You Learn Something New EVERYDAY

So today instead of being at work and watching the Inauguration like normal people, I was (sadly/good) at an HIV Counseling training. While it was important because we are about to start rapid HIV testing at the health center (and I will have to do it!), I was pretty upset that I didn't get to watch the Inauguration. For serious.

However. I learned a lot of new things. For one thing, if you are an intravenous drug user, you can go to any pharmacy and get 20 syringes without a perscription. I also learned that female condoms can be called receptive partner condoms and can be used for anal sex for males AND females. But the biggest thing I learned about is "cheeking."

And I guess I didn't really learn about it, I knew that it was possible to do it, I just didn't know how. I also didn't know the slang term (I learned a lot of slang terms today too.) So basically, cheeking is putting a condom on a penis with your mouth, but putting the condom in your cheek and then rolling it down the penis during oral sex. You can do it to put a condom on your partner without them knowing or you can just do it to put a condom on in a sexy way. Well, all of us in the training were wondering how exactly you do it. And then a woman also participating in the training demonstrated to us. And put a condom in her mouth. And then put it on her fingers. With her mouth. As demonstration.

IT WAS SO CRAZY

But it was, obviously, a really good training.

Also, I listened to Incubus on the way home and felt like I was in high school again. Crazy.

Oh, and because Alisha Asked: My Myers-Briggs Type Indicator

So basically, Alisha put this in her blog so I put it in mine because I am a copier. I am also an ENFJ (Extraverted Intuitive Feeling Judging). It is not a shocker. Here, I have a profile of an ENFJ, and I will italicize what I think is the most true about myself (which is...a lot of it).

If you want to take the test, take it here: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

As an ENFJ, you're primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in primarily via your intuition.

ENFJs are people-focused individuals. They live in the world of people possibilities. More so than any other type, they have excellent people skills. They understand and care about people, and have a special talent for bringing out the best in others. ENFJ's main interest in life is giving love, support, and a good time to other people. They are focused on understanding, supporting, and encouraging others. They make things happen for people, and get their best personal satisfaction from this.

Because ENFJ's people skills are so extraordinary, they have the ability to make people do exactly what they want them to do. They get under people's skins and get the reactions that they are seeking. ENFJ's motives are usually unselfish, but ENFJs who have developed less than ideally have been known to use their power over people to manipulate them.

ENFJ's are so externally focused that it's especially important for them to spend time alone. This can be difficult for some ENFJs, because they have the tendency to be hard on themselves and turn to dark thoughts when alone. Consequently, ENFJs might avoid being alone, and fill their lives with activities involving other people. ENFJs tend to define their life's direction and priorities according to other people's needs, and may not be aware of their own needs. It's natural to their personality type that they will tend to place other people's needs above their own, but they need to stay aware of their own needs so that they don't sacrifice themselves in their drive to help others.

ENFJ's tend to be more reserved about exposing themselves than other extraverted types. Although they may have strongly-felt beliefs, they're likely to refrain from expressing them if doing so would interfere with bringing out the best in others. Because their strongest interest lies in being a catalyst of change in other people, they're likely to interact with others on their own level, in a chameleon-like manner, rather than as individuals.

Which is not to say that the ENFJ does not have opinions. ENFJs have definite values and opinions which they're able to express clearly and succinctly. These beliefs will be expressed as long as they're not too personal. ENFJ is in many ways expressive and open, but is more focused on being responsive and supportive of others. When faced with a conflict between a strongly-held value and serving another person's need, they are highly likely to value the other person's needs.

The ENFJ may feel quite lonely even when surrounded by people. This feeling of aloneness may be exacerbated by the tendency to not reveal their true selves.

People love ENFJs. They are fun to be with, and truly understand and love people. They are typically very straight-forward and honest. Usually ENFJs exude a lot of self-confidence, and have a great amount of ability to do many different things. They are generally bright, full of potential, energetic and fast-paced. They are usually good at anything which captures their interest.

ENFJs like for things to be well-organized, and will work hard at maintaining structure and resolving ambiguity. They have a tendency to be fussy, especially with their home environments.

In the work place, ENFJs do well in positions where they deal with people. They are naturals for the social committee. Their uncanny ability to understand people and say just what needs to be said to make them happy makes them naturals for counseling. They enjoy being the center of attention, and do very well in situations where they can inspire and lead others, such as teaching.

ENFJs do not like dealing with impersonal reasoning. They don't understand or appreciate its merit, and will be unhappy in situations where they're forced to deal with logic and facts without any connection to a human element. Living in the world of people possibilities, they enjoy their plans more than their achievements. They get excited about possibilities for the future, but may become easily bored and restless with the present.

ENFJs have a special gift with people, and are basically happy people when they can use that gift to help others. They get their best satisfaction from serving others. Their genuine interest in Humankind and their exceptional intuitive awareness of people makes them able to draw out even the most reserved individuals.

ENFJs have a strong need for close, intimate relationships, and will put forth a lot of effort in creating and maintaining these relationships. They're very loyal and trustworthy once involved in a relationship.

An ENFJ who has not developed their Feeling side may have difficulty making good decisions, and may rely heavily on other people in decision-making processes. If they have not developed their Intuition, they may not be able to see possibilities, and will judge things too quickly based on established value systems or social rules, without really understanding the current situation. An ENFJ who has not found their place in the world is likely to be extremely sensitive to criticism, and to have the tendency to worry excessively and feel guilty. They are also likely to be very manipulative and controling with others.

In general, ENFJs are charming, warm, gracious, creative and diverse individuals with richly developed insights into what makes other people tick. This special ability to see growth potential in others combined with a genuine drive to help people makes the ENFJ a truly valued individual. As giving and caring as the ENFJ is, they need to remember to value their own needs as well as the needs of others.

I think it's pretty true. Tell me if you think so! But also, read my other entry about tv. KThanx.

See, Here's the Thing

Yesterday I watched A TON of tv. Seriously. More tv than I usually watch. Aka from 7-11pm. Now, for those of you who were friends with me in college (aka everyone), this may not seem surprising. I was always watching tv cause I love it. However, since I've moved home and have started working, I tend to watch much less tv. Usually that's because I come home and get on the internet to talk to my friends. However, since the one person I usually talk to on a regular basis suuuuuuuuuuuucks, I have been spending more time in front of the television. Which is probably not a good thing. Ruh roh.

In any case, here is what I watched yesterday:

7-9: No bullshit. I watched American Idol. Every year, I'm like "Oh, I won't watch it this year," and then I get sucked in at the very beginning. It will quite possibly be even worse this year because there won't be dance practice/nice weather to draw me away from the two nights that it comes on television. But I'm pretty sure I really like American Idol because I really love music. If I don't listen to a little bit of music everyday I feel strange; I find people won't don't listen to music everyday weird.

9-10: Top Chef New York. Are you kidding me, this is my favorite show. Probably because I love food. And competition. I used to think Tom Colicchio was hot, but I'm over that phase in my life. Padma, on the other hand, is always attractive. (Also, whoever the a-hole is on wikipedia that put spoilers on the Season 5 info page FOR SHAME, I was almost just spoiled)

10-11: The Real World: Brooklyn. Obviously a guilty pleasure, but this year there is a transgendered woman. So it's kind of more real. Also, this cast has not been wasted 24/7 like the other past casts, so they are automatically winning. And they have to have their own jobs, CRAZY. There's this one girl, Baya, who is trying to be a dancer and they keep showing her dancing, so I have to judge. I think part of it is because I dance myself, and I would never do it to offend her, I just think that dancers critique other dancers because that's the only way to get better? In any case, her upper body does strange things that I don't understand. It's like, the lower half of her body has complete and total control and can be on beat but the upper part struggles. So hopefully she has already worked on that.

Basically, I just introduced you to my Wednesday nights. Best night of the week, my friends. Also, It's hump day!
Can't beat that.

Also, WGCI played a 30 minute Biggie mixtape today and it just might have saved my life.

On Attractiveness

For the many people that don't know me (aka no one), everyone knows that I have a horrendous, bone-crushing problem: there are very many days in my life where I just KNOW that I am not attractive. Perhaps, even ugly, if you will. In fact, I have said multiple times that I am ugly. I don't really know how this came about; I think deep down I know that I am not hideous looking, but there is something mentally that I cannot get over. I continue to think that I am not attractive. I don't know why (let's see how many times I type that during this entry).

The idea that I'm ugly is even more compounded when I am out drinking, especially when I am with certain people. It's not like guys don't hit on me, quite the contrary, it's just that in certain situations, I just don't feel attractive. I don't know why. Ugh, none of this is coming out correctly, so I'll just stop here.


In any case, my brother is studying for his spanish final right next to me. How funny.

I Wanna Come First

I don't really have much to say. 2009 is a new year and I'm being less cynical than usual, although DO expect that Twilight post to come up soon. Cause it makes me mad everytime I think about it. Also I heard from my friend Paul that he read an internet rumor that Stephanie Myer gives 10% of her book profits to support anti-gay legislation.

Once again. PLEASE be a rumor, because I'll be really upset with myself if not.

Anyway, did I mention how pumped I am for 2009? CAUSE I AM. I am finally (hopefully forever) done with some things and also It's a new year! How can you not be excited? I think a new year is exciting because everyone sees it as sort of a fresh start and tries to be a better person, even for a little while. I've stopped making ridic resolutions (such as, I'm going to lose three pounds) but I still make some.

Resolutions '09:

1.) Try to see my friends more. This is a big deal for me, because I really kind of am a homebody. I enjoy going out but I also enjoy my house. Naturally, this wouldn't be such a big deal if I lived in the city and people could just come to my house. In any case, this resolution involves not being such a pansy about not getting 8 hours of sleep. Especially if I'm hanging out with my friends, I think a couple of hours of lost sleep is not a big deal.

2.) Eat breakfast every morning during the week. I have already started this one and I definitely feel the difference. By incorporating a third meal into your day, the most important meal, you are jump starting your metabolism. Pretty much that means that you can eat more (not on purpose) and also that you have more energy throughout the day. I already have felt this. I am hungrier on a regular schedule but also, I eat more. I definitely have more energy as LaShawn keeps saying "Girl, you got too much energy." (I will point out that she said that before.) However, I think I'm still the same weight that I was three days ago when I started this business, but we'll see.

That's actually all the resolutions I have. I always want to read more, but that's not really a resolution since I read a lot anyway. I guess I have the normal ones that everyone wishes for: to be healthy and happy. I've been pretty upbeat these past couple of days, even with the stupid drama (or not drama, depending on how you look at it) going on, so I'm pretty positive this will be a good year. And hey, I don't go to Knox College AT ALL this year. I have not and will not be an enrolled student at any point and time in this year. How cool is that?

Also, I saw Milk with Brian and I have to say that it is my favorite Gus Van Sant movie to date. Cause I hated Elephant and I've never seen Good Will Hunting.